Tally

I miss my kitty so much.  I had to make a VERY difficult decision to give Tally away.  I feel bad about it, but with the circumstances, I didn't feel like I had another choice.  She was having lots of accidents and not using her litter box.  After months of thought, I couldn't let her continue to make a mess of my apartment and not having another place to live, I let her go.  The first few days were extremely hard and now that it's been almost a month, I still find myself wanting to talk to her and snuggle.  It's so weird not having anyone around normally and it's especially hard now that I'm having a hard time and feeling alone as it is.  I'm still trying to clean up all her messes and it's going to take a long time.  I decided I'm not going to put my tree up this year and just concentrate on cleaning the carpets.  I did put out my nativity and a few other decorations as well as switched to my Christmas dishes.  I feel extremely guilty and miss Tally so much.  She was like my kid for so long and I just turned my back on her when I felt I didn't have anything else to do.  Guess I won't make a good mom ever if I just give my kids away.  Good thing I don't have any human kids!  I'm already looking into getting a new cat, but not until everything is cleaned up and my apartment is in better condition.  I watched a few cats over Thanksgiving, so it was nice being around some felines.  I called about volunteering at a cat shelter, but I haven't heard anything back about times to volunteer.  I thought maybe giving back to other cats would make me feel less guilty about Tally.  This is really difficult for me to talk about, but I thought maybe I should just share.  Maybe getting it out there will help me deal with it a little more.  Just trying to get through each day at this point!  I miss her so much!