Saturday, July 30, 2011

Back in Texas Y'all

I made it back after logging 3,000 miles.  There's a lot that I could share about my trip, so I might have more than one post on it.  Some events justify their own post!  I did end up having fun and it was good visiting people.  It was hard b/c I didn't have much time to visit as many people and places as I would have liked.  Of course I came to Ohio during their hottest week so far and it even hit 100 degrees.  My hope was that I could get a bit of relief from the 100 degree temperatures we've been experiencing in Austin since June 1st.  But no!  It wasn't too bad most of the time, but in Toledo, it was extremely humid and my parents don't have AC.  Luckily they have a pool, so I was in it quite a bit.  They have a window unit in their bedroom so one night I even slept on the floor in there.  Thank goodness for AC at most places!  Temperatures in Texas won't be going down anytime soon and we're still in extreme drought.

It was great to finally meet Rufus and hang out with my family.  Domino (Rachel's cat) seemed to like me; or at least like the fact that he had another person to hang out with.  He's a really sweet kitty.  Also, I got to meet her new chickens.  Unfortunately, I must be allergic to long haired cats maybe or something...b/c I was miserable part of the time.  Other highlights were seeing Rachel's band concert, my cousin's wedding, the Cincinnati Zoo, and....................WE GOT TO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY IN DETROIT!!!  I still kind of don't believe that we saw him.  It was really really good.  It was a lot of driving, but it's so nice to have my car so that I can tour the state and see more people.  I'll put some pictures on here and more on Facebook probably.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

e.l.f. 100 shadow palette

I'm quickly headed toward being obsessed with makeup.  I bought this eye shadow palette today.  It was definitely a splurge for me even at just $10 because I don't have extra money right now.  It's from the e.l.f. professional cosmetic line.  You can get it at Target or on their website, and I even found a very small selection at the HEB grocery store here in Texas.  I've been watching TONS of makeup tutorials lately and people are always doing these beautiful looks with dramatic eyes and pretty colors (I haven't yet mastered how to apply the makeup).  I don't have a large selection of eyeshadows, I tend to wear the same stuff, usually purple, grey, gold or Stila's kitten.  This palette will give me the option to try out all kinds of stuff as you can see it has every color you'd ever need (or close to it).  Today I was already wearing green on my eyes, so I tried one of these shadows out real quick and put a bright green in my crease and it was definitely really pigmented so I think I'll be happy with the quality of this product.  Each square of color is pretty small, but I imagine it's still going to last a long time if you mix up your look often enough rather than using the same colors over and over.  I'm excited to try other new products in the near future, but like I said, I just have to be careful about what I spend.  I also picked up a pair of their false lashes for $0.99, so I'm excited to try those out as well.  Haven't ever worn lashes and they might be fun for the wedding!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Blah is how I feel about my upcoming trip to Ohio.  Usually before a trip I'm anxious to plan out my itinerary down to every detail.  This time, I can barely get myself to make any plans.  I guess I just feel like because I haven't made any positive progress in my life in the last year, I should be embarrassed to visit people.  Last year at this time, I had just been laid off and needed to find a job...and I was completely humiliated by that.  This year, I have a job that doesn't really pay me and has made me stressed, miserable and despressed.  In my mind, I've taken several steps back rather than forward.  I've needed to get away from home for a long time and now that I am, I feel indifferent about it.  Don't get me wrong, it will be great to get away from Austin.  But this isn't like a typical vacation.  I will have to watch my budget really closely and don't really have the freedom to do whatever I want while I'm away.

It's been a struggle to even attempt to make any arrangements.  I'm in the mindset where I just want to alienate myself from everyone that I don't feel comfortable around (which ends up being most people).  I can't help but compare myself to others and feel like a failure.  So many thoughts are going through my head that I don't know how to express.  My idea was that maybe writing down my thoughts would help me process it and put myself out there.  I understand that life is difficult for everyone and people are going through harder times than me and that I should have perspective.  But depression is hard and I have a harder time than what's normal in dealing with it, especially when I don't have the tools I'd like to have.  At least I'll have a lot of time alone in the car to think about things.  Well, that could be a good thing or a bad thing!  Be glad you aren't inside my head.

Things I am looking forward to though are seeing my family and meeting Rachel's newest family member, Rufus.  And on another positive note, I've been looking forward to my cousin's wedding since Christmas.  I always enjoy weddings...for the most part I can escape that dark place in my mind in reference to weddings.  I love everything about weddings!  I probably won't want to return to Austin and real life after being around my family since I really miss Ohio and having a support system.

Sorry for being such a downer all the time, but I have to be honest.  Things aren't good and I don't feel like I should have to be fake.