Back in Texas Y'all

I made it back after logging 3,000 miles.  There's a lot that I could share about my trip, so I might have more than one post on it.  Some events justify their own post!  I did end up having fun and it was good visiting people.  It was hard b/c I didn't have much time to visit as many people and places as I would have liked.  Of course I came to Ohio during their hottest week so far and it even hit 100 degrees.  My hope was that I could get a bit of relief from the 100 degree temperatures we've been experiencing in Austin since June 1st.  But no!  It wasn't too bad most of the time, but in Toledo, it was extremely humid and my parents don't have AC.  Luckily they have a pool, so I was in it quite a bit.  They have a window unit in their bedroom so one night I even slept on the floor in there.  Thank goodness for AC at most places!  Temperatures in Texas won't be going down anytime soon and we're still in extreme drought.

It was great to finally meet Rufus and hang out with my family.  Domino (Rachel's cat) seemed to like me; or at least like the fact that he had another person to hang out with.  He's a really sweet kitty.  Also, I got to meet her new chickens.  Unfortunately, I must be allergic to long haired cats maybe or something...b/c I was miserable part of the time.  Other highlights were seeing Rachel's band concert, my cousin's wedding, the Cincinnati Zoo, and....................WE GOT TO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY IN DETROIT!!!  I still kind of don't believe that we saw him.  It was really really good.  It was a lot of driving, but it's so nice to have my car so that I can tour the state and see more people.  I'll put some pictures on here and more on Facebook probably.

Blah

Blah is how I feel about my upcoming trip to Ohio.  Usually before a trip I'm anxious to plan out my itinerary down to every detail.  This time, I can barely get myself to make any plans.  I guess I just feel like because I haven't made any positive progress in my life in the last year, I should be embarrassed to visit people.  Last year at this time, I had just been laid off and needed to find a job...and I was completely humiliated by that.  This year, I have a job that doesn't really pay me and has made me stressed, miserable and despressed.  In my mind, I've taken several steps back rather than forward.  I've needed to get away from home for a long time and now that I am, I feel indifferent about it.  Don't get me wrong, it will be great to get away from Austin.  But this isn't like a typical vacation.  I will have to watch my budget really closely and don't really have the freedom to do whatever I want while I'm away.

It's been a struggle to even attempt to make any arrangements.  I'm in the mindset where I just want to alienate myself from everyone that I don't feel comfortable around (which ends up being most people).  I can't help but compare myself to others and feel like a failure.  So many thoughts are going through my head that I don't know how to express.  My idea was that maybe writing down my thoughts would help me process it and put myself out there.  I understand that life is difficult for everyone and people are going through harder times than me and that I should have perspective.  But depression is hard and I have a harder time than what's normal in dealing with it, especially when I don't have the tools I'd like to have.  At least I'll have a lot of time alone in the car to think about things.  Well, that could be a good thing or a bad thing!  Be glad you aren't inside my head.

Things I am looking forward to though are seeing my family and meeting Rachel's newest family member, Rufus.  And on another positive note, I've been looking forward to my cousin's wedding since Christmas.  I always enjoy weddings...for the most part I can escape that dark place in my mind in reference to weddings.  I love everything about weddings!  I probably won't want to return to Austin and real life after being around my family since I really miss Ohio and having a support system.

Sorry for being such a downer all the time, but I have to be honest.  Things aren't good and I don't feel like I should have to be fake.

Miss You

This has been quite an emotional week already.  Monday morning I learned that a dear friend from Miami passed away.  It's been hard to think of much else since then. I met Corrine my sophomore year of college and quickly became pretty close.  She was always someone I could talk to as a student, after I left Miami and when I came back as staff.  This news was so shocking, it was always her husband who was going in for another heart procedure.  Corrine always had a smile on her face and said things straight up, she was nice to my friends and family and she felt like family to me.  She's been the secretary in the Miami Men's Basketball office for the past 26 years and will be missed by so very many people.  I wish that I could be there for the services, but everything was so soon and I couldn't make it happen.  She wouldn't have wanted people to make a big fuss over her anyway.  But this week and always she'll be in my thoughts.  Love you, girl!

I know.

I know I really need to write something.  It seems there is a lot I could share, so I get overwhelmed and write nothing!

1. That eShakti dress is going back.  I did not like it.  At all.  The material is stiff and not comfortable and the skirt is just all wrong...too much material there.  It actually fit my upper body pretty well, maybe just a little too big.  Either I picked the wrong dress, don't know how to measure myself or just shouldn't buy dresses that I can't try on.  I guess it just means I need more practice shopping and trying on dresses! 

2.  I've decided, now that we are consistently at over 100 degrees here in Austin I'm going to mainly wear tank tops and skirts, capris and shorts.  It's just so HOT.  This meant I had to raid the clearance racks at Old Navy to get some fun brightly colored tanks that I feel comfortable enough wearing (not too tight).  Luckily for someone who is jobless, they had a sale where everything on clearance was an additional 50% off!

3.  Had a great road trip to Ohio for about a week and a half and put in just over 3300 miles!  It was so great to visit with some really great friends.  Some I talk to on a regular basis and some I haven't talked to or seen in a really really long time.  My friend's wedding was absolutely amazing and we had a good family gathering too.  You can check out the photos on my Facebook page. 

4.  Having been jobless for about a month now, I finally have some part time work coming my way!  Tomorrow, I'll be starting at a small sportswear company just minutes from my house and learning all about cutting fabrics, matching patterns and filling orders.  I'm also going to slowly start learning the creative side and use Adobe Illustrator to create mock ups for coaches and then printing the actual graphics on a large format printer so it can be sublimated onto the fabric.  Then all the pieces are matched together and sent to a sewer somewhere in California.  The whole process seems pretty complicated to me so far, but hopefully I can learn quickly and be a big help to the volume of production.  If I am, maybe it will turn into something more than part time!

5.  I'm still working out, though I have to be more choosy about the workouts I'm doing.  About three weeks ago I got a huge gash on the side of my heel and it hurts to wear shoes.  Then, I went walking with my dad when I was home...we walking about four miles at Wildwood Metro Park and I came home with some nasty bloody blisters on the backs of both ankles.  Yikes.  So, needless to say, I'm letting my feet heal and trying to just do some pilates, yoga and swimming until I can wear shoes again.  I got some new Asics (major discount at Kohl's), so hopefully I can wear them soon!

That's all for now folks!

Ode to my Cactus

My cactus died. I'm really sad. I've had it since the Marvin Lewis Golf Classic in 2005. The theme was fiesta and I brought a bunch home for my mom and sister too. It's probably the longest I've kept a plant. I had it in my office for most of the time, but it did move from Cincinnati to Oxford to Austin. Right before I moved, it got knocked over and broke off in the soil, but i just dug that part out and replanted it. It fell over in the truck on the way here and I just replanted it when I got here. Slowly, it's been rotting from the bottom up, so today...I threw it away. I liked my cactus! It was a different plant to have...eventually, I will have to replace it with a new one. :-(