Fourth of July

I'm a little late on this.  It's a good excuse to blog about something other than The Bachelorette.  I can still feel the last remnants of Fourth of July celebrations!  I had the opportunity to go out on Lake Travis (with mostly strangers) and got to see fireworks.  Last year, fireworks were banned in Austin and most of Texas b/c of the wildfire danger and drought conditions.  The year before I missed out on fireworks too, so it was awesome to be able to enjoy them this year.  It was a decent show, but not what I'm used to in either Toledo for the 4th or Cincinnati for Labor Day, where they do it up big with a major production with themed music and everything.  I was only missing the patriotic music.  We went swimming throughout the day and I got to try tubing!  The name sounds deceiving though b/c I consider a tube to have a hole in the middle, but whatever.  Unfortunately, I got whiplash and can still feel it a little in my neck.  I feel like I was in a car accident.  It was a lot of fun though at the time.

Other notes:

• 30 Day Shred has literally shredded my legs the past couple of days and it hurts to move. :-/  Hoping the thunder will stay away and let me swim tonight instead.  
• We got some rain!  There hasn't been a drop since sometime in May.  I always love a good thunder storm.
• I'm no longer working three jobs.  Finished my last day at the sweatshop two weeks ago and no longer working as a ticket seller.  I'm now able to work in marketing at UT 40 hours a week.  Still no benefits, but it could be in the (hopefully) near future.  It will take some time to adjust, I'm not used to a normal routine.
• Last week was actually higher temperatures in Ohio than in Texas!  We were sitting right at 100 about  everyday.
• I learned how to create a Virtual Bridal Shower and am currently hosting one for my friend, Terri.  She's getting married August 4 and it's a great way to do something long distance.
• Zac Brown Band has a new album.  I heard a bit of it last night and seems like it's going to be another great album.  Not a surprise, coming from them!
• Our department moved into brand new offices and we're now located in the North End Zone (NEZ) of the Texas football stadium.  I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty fancy!
• I worked out 14 times in June.  My goal is to work out 16 times in July.  I've done five workouts so far, so hopefully it's attainable.  I can't let laziness win!

June 7th

Here are a few tidbits and updates from me:

• It's already getting really hot here.  Surprisingly, it hasn't hit 100 yet, but with the humidity it seems just as bad. 
• I'm currently trying to work on patience.  I feel like I'm super close to getting a full time job with benefits, but just not quite there yet.  I'm hopeful, just waiting on a couple things to happen.
• In the meantime, I'm working my three jobs - tickets, marketing, and sportswear; I'm getting by.
• Rodeo Austin was a lot of fun again this year.  The long hours paid off, even if I got a little sore throat and run down afterward.
• Bette Davis has turned into a really great cat.  She has warmed up more to people and enjoys being the only child.
• I've read some great books lately.  The Hunger Games, of course and I'm trying to catch up on the Kay Scarpetta series that I'm several years behind on.  The reading list will never dwindle...just have to wait for my holds to come in sometimes.
• My newest hobby/guilty pleasure is learning more about fashion and beauty products, techniques and reviews.  It's become an obsession.  It's fun trying out new eye shadow looks and nail polishes.  I still need more practice!
• My good friend Terri is getting married this summer.  I'm excited to be in the wedding and visit Indiana and Ohio this summer! <3
• My workout routine hasn't been quite as diligent as I would have hoped (never is), but I've managed to pretty much stay the same size.  Doing good in June so far, worked out four days!  Got to keep it up and really establish a routine for myself.
• I hope to plan a few activities to get me through the summer quickly.  At the end of this month we are going camping near the gulf coast.  I'm excited to visit the Padre National Seashore.  It's been so long since I've been able to go on a vacation, hopefully this weekend getaway can hold me over for the time being.  Yay!
• I started drinking coffee on a pretty much daily basis.  Probably not the best thing to start, but it's really nice to drink it in the mornings.  It helps since I'm totally NOT a morning person.  I do have to put some cream or something in it, but I try to stay away from sugar.  I'm really loving hazelnut!
• I learned Austin has the 8th worst traffic in the country.  Not surprising!  I would have even though top 5.  It's pretty bad around here for it being a somewhat small city!

Blah

Blah is how I feel about my upcoming trip to Ohio.  Usually before a trip I'm anxious to plan out my itinerary down to every detail.  This time, I can barely get myself to make any plans.  I guess I just feel like because I haven't made any positive progress in my life in the last year, I should be embarrassed to visit people.  Last year at this time, I had just been laid off and needed to find a job...and I was completely humiliated by that.  This year, I have a job that doesn't really pay me and has made me stressed, miserable and despressed.  In my mind, I've taken several steps back rather than forward.  I've needed to get away from home for a long time and now that I am, I feel indifferent about it.  Don't get me wrong, it will be great to get away from Austin.  But this isn't like a typical vacation.  I will have to watch my budget really closely and don't really have the freedom to do whatever I want while I'm away.

It's been a struggle to even attempt to make any arrangements.  I'm in the mindset where I just want to alienate myself from everyone that I don't feel comfortable around (which ends up being most people).  I can't help but compare myself to others and feel like a failure.  So many thoughts are going through my head that I don't know how to express.  My idea was that maybe writing down my thoughts would help me process it and put myself out there.  I understand that life is difficult for everyone and people are going through harder times than me and that I should have perspective.  But depression is hard and I have a harder time than what's normal in dealing with it, especially when I don't have the tools I'd like to have.  At least I'll have a lot of time alone in the car to think about things.  Well, that could be a good thing or a bad thing!  Be glad you aren't inside my head.

Things I am looking forward to though are seeing my family and meeting Rachel's newest family member, Rufus.  And on another positive note, I've been looking forward to my cousin's wedding since Christmas.  I always enjoy weddings...for the most part I can escape that dark place in my mind in reference to weddings.  I love everything about weddings!  I probably won't want to return to Austin and real life after being around my family since I really miss Ohio and having a support system.

Sorry for being such a downer all the time, but I have to be honest.  Things aren't good and I don't feel like I should have to be fake.

New Post

There's not much for me to say, but figured I'll write something for my standard once a month post.  Ha.  I did get a couch, finally decided on one.  It's way too big for my apartment, but it's nice to have a plethora of places to sit.  I wish it was a little more cushy, but it's the best in that style that I could afford.  I've been hitting the job search a lot harder lately, but still haven't heard much.  I just really want to work in an office and a full time job would be really nice.  It's hard not to be discouraged, but I've been watching some movies and playing spades online to keep from dwelling on things.  It's been pretty stressful though since my main job is so far behind on paying me.  I've already had to resort to tapping into my savings account.  I just have to believe that there is something out there and keep applying.

I got two new kitties and they are pretty much worthless.  Having them makes me miss Tally even more b/c she was a good cat, aside from her obvious problems.  She laid on my lap, slept with me, talked to me, needed me and just loved me in general.  These cats have been with me a month and still aren't warmed up.  For a long time they were just called, the Fat One and the Little One, or the Orange One and the  Dark One.  The previous owner gave them dumb names (my opinion of course) so I waited awhile to name them.  The Little One still doesn't have a name b/c she's been a bitch and rarely comes out of the closet.  Miracle today though!  She let me pet her and pick her up!!!  This is definitely a first.  Most of the time when I see her or talk to her she just stares and acts like I'm going to kill her.  If only she knew I just wanted to pet her!  Today was huge though....maybe she'll come around eventually.  She might even be partially blind.  Her pupils are almost always fully dilated, so maybe she only sees some movement.  That would explain why she's so scared in a new environment, I guess.  The Big One, now named Daisy has been more friendly and asks for pets even though she spends most of her time under the bed or in the closet.  She talks a lot too, or I should say quacks b/c she sounds like a duck.  That's how I named her, Daisy for Daisy Duck.  At first it was going to be Daffy Duck until my mom pointed out that Daffy is a boy and the whole point of renaming these cats is for them to actually have gender appropriate names this time around.  Some people may think it's wrong to rename eight year old cats, but do they really know their names anyway?  If they did, they should be glad to get new ones!  I just really wish that they were more cuddly and cared when I got home from work or watched TV with me or something.  That's what cats are for!  Hopefully I didn't get a couple of bad seeds.  Ugh.  They are pretty cute, but they just don't feel like mine yet...I suppose we'll get there eventually.