Rear End

I started a post a long time ago and never finished.  I'll work on that later.  I feel like I've had a lot of ideas for blog posts come up, but haven't acted on any of those ideas.  Fail! 

On July 31st, I was with some friends and we were enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon and evening.  Drank flavored mimosas (not as great as it sounds) and went to a small park with water slides.  Unfortunately, it closed too soon after we got there.  On our way back, we got rear ended.  I had a few drinks in me and wasn't driving, so it didn't really seem that bad to me.  The back end of the car looked pretty bad though and we were hit by a big pickup truck and lost the entire bumper.  I didn't feel any pain or stiffness or anything, but my friends pressured me into going to the chiropractor...he is also a friend (of a friend, really...acquaintence).  I resisted for as long as I could and finally gave into the nagging.  Most people probably know that I have anxiety, but maybe not.  I do and I hate going to doctors and get panic attacks.  I don't like people that I don't know touching me and would never pay money to get a massage. I just don't feel comfortable.  It's weird, but that's how I am. 

*People that I am comfortable with and are close to, I don't mind if they touch me. One of my love languages is physical touch, I enjoy hugs and that kind of stuff.  What I don't want is some stranger putting their hands all over me. 

But, alas, I gave in and went to the chiropractor.  Just thinking about it brought on the symptoms of anxiety, but somehow when I went it was under control.  I wish I knew how that happened!  My neck was pretty straight and apparently it's supposed to curve a little, so I had a little therapy to do.  Last Tuesday, I was rear ended on my way to work in bumper to bumper traffic and I hit the guy in front of me.  The jerk drove off and the hit felt pretty hard.  It even caused a cd to come flying forward that I thought I'd lost two years ago.  My car doesn't look bad, but man was my neck a mess.  I could barely move it for a few days and just the last two days has it felt considerably better, but not great.  It was such a stressful situation b/c I totally can't afford an accident right now and I don't have uninsured motorist for property damage.  Luckily, I can still drive my car even though it does need to be repaired at some point.  I realize that no one can really ever afford to get in an accident, but right now I have a lot of stress on how I'm going to get through each month b/c my jobs are crap.  Anyway, it turned out the guy in front of me that I hit can't claim anything on my insurance b/c it wasn't my fault (Thank God).  This is getting way too long...

So, naturally, I'm still going to the chiropractor.  Hopefully it's helping with this newer accident, but I will definitely be glad when it's over (cross your fingers for only 2-3 weeks).  I don't know much about the science behinid it, just that I hope to be pain-free and have 100% mobility soon!  Not sure that I would go to a chiropractor again.  No more accidents for a long time, please!!!

Back in Texas Y'all

I made it back after logging 3,000 miles.  There's a lot that I could share about my trip, so I might have more than one post on it.  Some events justify their own post!  I did end up having fun and it was good visiting people.  It was hard b/c I didn't have much time to visit as many people and places as I would have liked.  Of course I came to Ohio during their hottest week so far and it even hit 100 degrees.  My hope was that I could get a bit of relief from the 100 degree temperatures we've been experiencing in Austin since June 1st.  But no!  It wasn't too bad most of the time, but in Toledo, it was extremely humid and my parents don't have AC.  Luckily they have a pool, so I was in it quite a bit.  They have a window unit in their bedroom so one night I even slept on the floor in there.  Thank goodness for AC at most places!  Temperatures in Texas won't be going down anytime soon and we're still in extreme drought.

It was great to finally meet Rufus and hang out with my family.  Domino (Rachel's cat) seemed to like me; or at least like the fact that he had another person to hang out with.  He's a really sweet kitty.  Also, I got to meet her new chickens.  Unfortunately, I must be allergic to long haired cats maybe or something...b/c I was miserable part of the time.  Other highlights were seeing Rachel's band concert, my cousin's wedding, the Cincinnati Zoo, and....................WE GOT TO SEE PAUL MCCARTNEY IN DETROIT!!!  I still kind of don't believe that we saw him.  It was really really good.  It was a lot of driving, but it's so nice to have my car so that I can tour the state and see more people.  I'll put some pictures on here and more on Facebook probably.

Blah

Blah is how I feel about my upcoming trip to Ohio.  Usually before a trip I'm anxious to plan out my itinerary down to every detail.  This time, I can barely get myself to make any plans.  I guess I just feel like because I haven't made any positive progress in my life in the last year, I should be embarrassed to visit people.  Last year at this time, I had just been laid off and needed to find a job...and I was completely humiliated by that.  This year, I have a job that doesn't really pay me and has made me stressed, miserable and despressed.  In my mind, I've taken several steps back rather than forward.  I've needed to get away from home for a long time and now that I am, I feel indifferent about it.  Don't get me wrong, it will be great to get away from Austin.  But this isn't like a typical vacation.  I will have to watch my budget really closely and don't really have the freedom to do whatever I want while I'm away.

It's been a struggle to even attempt to make any arrangements.  I'm in the mindset where I just want to alienate myself from everyone that I don't feel comfortable around (which ends up being most people).  I can't help but compare myself to others and feel like a failure.  So many thoughts are going through my head that I don't know how to express.  My idea was that maybe writing down my thoughts would help me process it and put myself out there.  I understand that life is difficult for everyone and people are going through harder times than me and that I should have perspective.  But depression is hard and I have a harder time than what's normal in dealing with it, especially when I don't have the tools I'd like to have.  At least I'll have a lot of time alone in the car to think about things.  Well, that could be a good thing or a bad thing!  Be glad you aren't inside my head.

Things I am looking forward to though are seeing my family and meeting Rachel's newest family member, Rufus.  And on another positive note, I've been looking forward to my cousin's wedding since Christmas.  I always enjoy weddings...for the most part I can escape that dark place in my mind in reference to weddings.  I love everything about weddings!  I probably won't want to return to Austin and real life after being around my family since I really miss Ohio and having a support system.

Sorry for being such a downer all the time, but I have to be honest.  Things aren't good and I don't feel like I should have to be fake.

Miss You

This has been quite an emotional week already.  Monday morning I learned that a dear friend from Miami passed away.  It's been hard to think of much else since then. I met Corrine my sophomore year of college and quickly became pretty close.  She was always someone I could talk to as a student, after I left Miami and when I came back as staff.  This news was so shocking, it was always her husband who was going in for another heart procedure.  Corrine always had a smile on her face and said things straight up, she was nice to my friends and family and she felt like family to me.  She's been the secretary in the Miami Men's Basketball office for the past 26 years and will be missed by so very many people.  I wish that I could be there for the services, but everything was so soon and I couldn't make it happen.  She wouldn't have wanted people to make a big fuss over her anyway.  But this week and always she'll be in my thoughts.  Love you, girl!

It's hard here.

It's been really hard here to meet people and find real friends.  I am still looking for a church and even though I'm getting closer to finding the right one, I just want to be there already.  I've been struggling the past couple of weeks and haven't wanted to write anything.  Plus, it's like what's the point?  No one reads it anyway, so it's just for myself.  Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in moving here, but I also have to remember that it takes me longer than average to adjust to new things and places and make friends.  I need to try to be more patient and give it more time.  I definitely haven't found the right people here to connect with, so at times I get really discouraged.

For my new job, I work in a sweat shop, quite literally.  There is no air conditioning and it's absolutely miserable.  You're right if you think no place in Texas should go with out AC in the summer.  I sweat all day long and it zaps all of my energy.  I work 9-5, but I don't want to do anything b/c by the time I leave there, I'm totally drained.  I must wear a bandanna around my head b/c otherwise I'll sweat all over the fabric or paper I'm cutting.  I cannot wait for cooler weather.  It will probably have to be pretty cold outside for it to be cool enough inside the shop to be comfortable working conditions.  At first it was just an inconvenience and now it's getting pretty old.  I cut material from cardboard patterns for high school basketball and football uniforms and practice gear, for about 60% of my time.  About 15% of my time, I design the uniforms and practice gear on Illustrator and print it out on a large format printer.  For the remaining 25% of my time, I work on getting products up on the website, removing inaccurate information off the site and trying to make it look better and easier to navigate in general.  It's been more of an adjustment than I expected, working a 9-5 schedule.  I know that I'm not really using my time wisely, but I'm so used to working all the time that I'm still figuring out how to use the extra time.  It's difficult to want to do anything besides try to cool down and relax, doing absolutely nothing.

Crappy yet exciting week.

This has been an interesting week to say the least. I'm not even sure how much I will share on this blog since it's so public (with my audience of 3). In some ways this week was really really bad and in some ways it has been exciting and fun, yet both extremes were shocking. What I've learned this week has been the most important part. You know when people say that when God closes a door He opens another one or opens a window? Or everything happens for a reason? Or this is a blessing in disguise? Well, I actually can say that I believe all those ideas this week. Moving on might suck at the time, but good things will come of it. I feel I've handled things pretty well and have been myself, laid back and reserved instead of totally panicked (which can also be myself sometimes). It's so comforting to know that I've met some really great people here in Austin that have supported me. At this point, the only thing I can do is pray for God's will in my life. I can't do it on my own and I have to learn to give Him some more control. If you'd like to know more, feel free to text, call or email me and we'll chat on a personal level. =)

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Lots going on lately

March has been a pretty active month for me, with still more fun stuff to look forward to. Spring is my favorite season and the weather is just about perfect here right now (don't even want to think about summer) and that seems to make everything a little bit more enjoyable.

My good friend, Marie visited in early March. Her sister, brother-in-law and niece live here in Austin and were expecting their second baby, so Marie came out in hopes to meet the little guy. Unfortunately, he had other ideas and waited until St. Patrick's Day. Selfishly though, I cherished the little bit of time I had with Marie, whom I miss dearly. We enjoyed great conversation, wine and shopping (as usual).

The next week, my sister visited and we explored lots of sites around Austin, San Antonio and Johnson City. We learned SO much about LBJ, Lady Bird and LBJ's presidency...it turned out to be much more interesting than I had imagined. Check out my Facebook page for the photos. We went to the LBJ Presidential Library, Capital Building, Zilker Park Kite Festival, Town Lake, Mount Bonnell, The Alamo, San Antonio Missions San Jose and Concepcion, River Walk, and the LBJ birth place, boyhood home, Texas White House and ranch. That was all in four days. Our dogs were barkin'! It was a great visit and I'm glad that we got to spend some time together and learn more about the history and the area.

As far as work, we've had about a month or so off from games and we're about to enter into another busy stretch of traveling and hosting games in West Texas. Next weekend, we are headed to Menard and Van Horn. Van Horn is pretty close to Guadalupe Mountains National Park, so I'm going to use my new birthday gifts and go camping for a week! I'm really excited to go on this adventure and explore even more of Texas. I'm still finalizing my itinerary, but I plan to see Guadalupe Mountains National Park, Carlsbad Caverns National Park, Marfa and Big Bend National Park. Big Bend is going to be the main attraction and I'm spending three days there. It's the biggest national park in the system but one of the least visited b/c it's so remote. It's along the bend of the Rio Grande River that forms the border of Texas and Mexico. It will be so much fun taking pictures, camping, hiking and checking out some ranger lead programs. I have a lot to do to prepare for that as well as make sure all my responsibilities for work are covered, since it's a busy time. It's not guaranteed that I'll even have cell phone coverage where I'm going let along Wi-Fi. I shouldn't even be blogging right now when my To Do List is a mile long! I will post again once I've finalized my itinerary for the upcoming journey. Off to run errands!